Gotta Start Somewhere

Feeling lost? Just start somewhere.

I’ve always felt this pressure to be successful in everything I do. The second I don’t feel like I’m pursuing something, I feel lost. It’s like I have an addiction to growth. I can always become better, learn more, experience more. I have this fear of complacency and getting too comfortable. I love to challenge myself and seek opportunities that will contribute to my growth in all aspects of my life. I am so passionate about what I want for myself to the point where it has become overwhelming—

I’ll tell you why.

I just got back home after spending 7 months in Oahu, Hawaii. I went there to refresh my soul, and I needed it. I really needed it. My friend Elle from college and I went together on January 7th, and I left July 26th; 7 months in a brand new place, with brand new people, and an island full of opportunities. Those 7 months changed my life, and I mean it. Each of those 200 days were filled with some form of joy, love, laughter, excitement, and gratitude. Not a day went by where I didn’t open my eyes in awe of the beauty of the world around me. Now all I want to do is chase that feeling. Why wait to experience life when it’s right in front of you? There is nothing that ties you to any place; I proved that to myself. Go. Experience. See.

It’s been 2 weeks back in Illinois and to be honest, I feel a bit lost. Don’t get me wrong, it has been such a blessing to spend time with my family again, but life just feels different here. Less vibrant. All of the things that I have gotten used to that have brought me joy, peace and comfort are not right in front of me anymore. I have since been overloaded with questions about when I am going to start working, making money, and getting back to “real life”. But — that bothers me. The past 7 months of my life have truly felt like I was a living, breathing human being experiencing a peace that is not tangible. How do I go from hiking green lucious mountains, swimming in bright blue oceans, snorkeling with turtles, diving off cliffs, sunset yoga, bible studies, sunrise swims, etc. to an office building 9 to 5pm every Monday through Friday? That’s 8 hours a day for 5 days a week, 160 hours a month, 2,080 hours a year which is equivalent to about 87 continuous 24 hour days of the year. Just to make money.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want my career to look like while also living out my passions and dreams for traveling and experiencing new cultures, people, and places. Through my own personal life experiences, I’ve learned that tomorrow is never promised, and I think that might be where this pressure comes from. Live now. Speak now. Travel now. Experience now. Tomorrow is never promised. I never want to look back on my life and wish that I did more.

I am ironically lucky enough to have realized at 23, that those things you think will never happen to you, will happen to you when you least expect them to. So, tell people you love them today, not tomorrow. Pursue a dream that you have now, while you can.

Lately I have been feeling this overwhelming pressure of needing to have it all figured out right now so that I don’t waste any time, but it just hit me — I can’t have it all figured out. If I had it all figured out, there would be no room to grow. I can only handle, manage, plan, think, organize, and dream about so much until I feel like my mind is racing a million miles a minute and I - stop. slow down. I realize.

All I have to do is start somewhere.

My brain has been like a static TV on full volume lately and those words were like searching all over the house for two AA batteries, putting them in the back of the remote, and finally being able to power off that damn TV.

*Exhales*

All I have to do is start somewhere. Power on my computer. Get out an old notebook and a pen. “How to start my life” I write at the header of my notebook. That’s a start. I have two job application ideas crossed off underneath that. That’s all so far. But hey? I’m 1% better than I was yesterday. I made this website as well. I’ve been wanting to dive into my career and expand my creative portfolio, so why not start with myself? Make myself my own creative project. This idea is the inspiration for the title of this site because it brought me to a new peace within myself. When my mind is racing and I am feeling overwhelmed by all of these things I want to accomplish, places I want to see, cultures I want to experience, cost of living, expenses, living, eating, breathing, thinking, I just need to stop and remind myself that I can not simply have it all figured out and I never will. That is the most beautiful thing about life, after all!

Everything is always changing.

And if I want to elicit change, all I have to do is start somewhere.